Last Easter Cody and I had the opportunity to speak in sacrament meeting. We were asked to speak on the atonement of Christ, and what it meant to us.
I was terrified.
I loathed speaking in church.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the atonement was something I KNEW. It was something I had FELT.
The atonement has SAVED me.
With today being Easter Sunday, as I reflect back on that day, I can't help but feel so much love from my Savior. Remembering the blessing it was to be able to share my experience with the atonement and its healing powers, I would like to share this very sacred experience again.
This was my talk. This is my story.
"In General Conference talk given by Elder M. Russell Ballard titled, "The Atonement and the Value of One Soul" He stated, "There is no greater expression of love than the heroic Atonement performed by the Son of God. Were it not for the plan of our Heavenly Father, established before the world began, in a very real sense, all mankind- past, present, and future- would have been left without the hope of eternal progression."
Our Savior, Jesus Christ, lived and died for each and every one of us. He died for our pains, our afflictions, our heartaches, our sorrow, and our sins. He made it possible for us to be healed, and to be cleansed of the heavy bearing residue we carry around each day. We are human, we are all imperfect. Our goal is to be perfected in his likeness, and to live with our Heavenly Father, Savior, and families for eternity. He has made this possible through His Atonement. In Romans 6:23 it says "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. I believe that with all of my heart.
I have a very personal story I would like to share with you all about the love, and blessings we can receive through Christ's Atonement.
Throughout my later teenage years, I had some extremely challenging trials I had to overcome. They rooted from a wide variety of family hardships, to lack of self esteem, guilt, denial, resentment, rebellious habits, and friends that were not the best of examples. I hadn't been to church in almost two years, and had not possessed a temple recommend in 5 years. I felt like I was going nowhere but down, and that nothing I did could bring me the happiness and joy that I once felt in my life. Although I struggled, I never let go of the friendship I had with my Father in Heaven through earnest prayer, and the still small voice whispering hopeful thoughts to me.
After months of depression and lost hope, I had the prompting that I needed to leave Utah, and do what I love the most, taking care of children. I talked with multiple families that were looking for a nanny, but none of them felt right. After about a week, a family in New Jersey contacted me and wanted to set up a Skype interview that night. As soon as I saw those 3 (soon to be 4) little boys on that computer screen, my heart throbbed with happiness. I knew that this was the family that I needed to be with, and three weeks later I was on a plane to meet my new family.
I spent 9 short months with this family, still struggling, but realizing that the only thing that had not changed since I left home, was the gospel.
Luckily for me, and how blessed was I, that there was an LDS church 2 miles down the road from me, where two missionaries from Salem, and another from Herriman, UT were serving. One Sunday a friend and I were driving down the road when she told me I was getting pulled over, I panicked and looked in my rear view mirror, only to find that it was a car full of missionaries, waving for us to pull over. Once "pulled over" they invited us to come to church the nest week and gave us a card with their number on it. It wasn't until a few weeks later, during the Sunday session of the April 2012 General Conference that a different friend of mine, who is actually from Springville that was nannying out there as well, and I, had the prompting that we needed to call the missionaries and start meeting with them as soon as possible. So we did, and of course, they thought it was a joke. Why would two teenage girls randomly be calling up the missionaries to come meet with them? They came every Friday night for dinner and a lesson, 5 months in a row. We began our first lesson with telling them that the reason we wanted to meet with them was because we have been members our whole lives, but have never felt like we had been TRULY converted to the gospel, and have struggled to find meaning, and a deeper understanding of the gospel.
Blessed enough were we, to be in the same place, at the same time, and have missionaries representing our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, just a phone call away.
Over the course of those next five months, we had one missionary that was never transferred, but went through 3 or 4 different companions. The testimony that this Elder had because of his past experiences, which were similar to ours, and his changing through the atonement, was exactly what we needed. He taught us that we needed Christ in our lives more now, than ever, and that through Christs Atonement, we can have the highest amount of joy that anyone could ever obtain. We could have eternal life and light.
In July of 2012, we had our last meeting with the missionaries. My friend was leaving the next day to come home, and I was moving with my nanny family to Brussels, Belgium. That night the missionaries shared one of the most special nights with us that I will never forget. They told us that they wanted to give us a short message, then we were going to have a testimony meeting. The spirit lifted each and every one of us that night. Emotions and spiritual guidance had brought us that joy and understanding we had been seeking. We said our goodbye's that night, being forever changed by the one and only true gospel upon the face of the Earth.
Over the next three months that I spent in Belgium, I spent most of my time reading my scriptures, praying, writing in my journal, attending a French and English speaking ward, and taking care of four little boys, whose lives brought so much light and joy into my life. I had no cell phone, no car, and no friends, because everyone around me spoke French. I learned that the only thing on this Earth that will never change no matter what part of the world you are in is the gospel. I learned to pray out loud, and earnestly speak to my Heavenly Father, my best friend, about any and everything that was going on in my life. I wanted more than anything to be able to go back to the temple to feel the peace, and receive that blessings that come with it.
One night as I was saying my prayers, and just to give you a picture of my room... I was on the top floor of a VERY tall house in the middle of the city. A small room, with 5 longgg flights of stairs to climb to get get there, half of the room was vaulted with a few windows that looked up to the sky, and the other half was a wall made up of all glass windows, floor to ceiling. There was a door out onto a balcony that overlooked the backyard, or "garden" as they would call it, and a big beautiful park. It was serenity. The beauty of my surroundings made my prayers just that much better.
As I knelt one night and finished saying my prayers, I started to get into bed, when this feeling came over me that would not let me get back into my bed. I suddenly felt wide awake. I couldn't figure out the feeling or why it was happening, but the only voice that was in my head kept saying "you need to pray again." I thought, "what?!" I just said a 20 minute long prayer about everything I could possibly pray about, and you want me to pray again?! I didn't argue, and began to pray out loud again. With a smile on my face, and in my voice, I started praying "Heavenly Father, I just prayed about everything that I could possibly think about and now you're telling me to pray again. Sooo.... how are you? My day was pretty good,,, I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be saying so I will just talk until I figure out the reason why I am praying again..." Then it suddenly hit me. At this exact moment, time froze, and I felt as if I was being lifted up. In the clearest voice I have ever heard, I was told, "Jordan, because of your worthiness, and faithfulness to the Lord, you have fully been forgiven of your sins. It is now that you must obtain a temple recommend, and hasten the work." I couldn't believe it. I opened my eyes, beginning to weep, with a huge smile on my face. I thanked my Heavenly Father over and over again. I looked around my room, out the window, and could have sworn that I was floating on a cloud. In that very moment, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I had been forgiven, cleansed, and my light, joy, and happiness had fully been restored. Because of HIS sacrifice, I was able to feel the purest of His love.
The last weekend I lived in Belgium, two days before I went home, and six years having passed without attending the temple, I was able to worthily, and happily attend the Hauge, Netherlands temple. All because my Savior lived, and died for me."
This experience is one I hold so closely to my heart.
His sacrifice saved me.
It can save you.
I know that Jesus Christ lives. I can testify of His love.
I am forever grateful for my friends and family that helped me find the way.
I am eternally grateful for an everlasting marriage, and a husband that leads and guides the way. He is a source of light in my life, I love him dearly.
I have seen the Lord's hand in my life, and know that He has a plan for each and every one of us.
He loves me. He loves you.
He will never let you down, and will always light the way.
Open the door and let him in.
There is no greater love that we can feel, than those blessings we receive from living and obeying the commandments, relying on our Savior, and Father in Heaven to hold us up, and open our eyes to the a broader picture.
I sustain our beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and his presidency.
I sustain our church leaders. I trust in their knowledge and guidance.
I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. He restored this wonderful gospel for our use in these latter days.
I know the Book of Mormon is the true word of God. It leads and guides me daily.
I love this gospel and hope that all others will use it's light to guide their lives in a safe, wholesome, and eternal way. "Don't walk, run."
These things I love and know to be true.
I say these things humbly, in the name of Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, Amen.
